http://leadingfamilies.com The most complete web resource for parents, by Dr. A. Lynn Scoresby. Wed, 27 Jan 2010 22:29:43 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en For the past three months I have been spending a lot of time writing for a website Myfamilytrack.com. It is going to be launched in April 2010. At the same time I am preparing a membership program called "LeadingFamilies," which is the same name as this website. ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2010/01/23/what-do-you-think-about-the-state-of-family-emotional-health/ It is fairly well known that spouses are often like intimate enemies who know each other well, sometimes love and care for each other, but because of their familiarity are in the best position to hurt each other. Feeling vulnerable to ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/10/28/is-your-spouse-an-intimate-enemy/ We work so hard to learn unselfishness and make every attempt to be concerned for others that it may seem strange to consider the idea that loving someone might be more for us than for them. The self centered life is familiar ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/09/23/is-my-love-for-me-or-for-you/ Some people are born more reactive to the environment than others. And some individuals grow up around excessive criticism and other forms of mistreatment which creates hurt and frustration. If both of these happen to the same individual then the result often is a very defensive person. ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/08/31/what-to-do-with-a-defensive-spouse/ In this podcast, Dr. Scoresby covers many topics related to marriage such as commitment, covenants, sharing, love, attention, conflict, etc. Click the play button to listen to this episode: To subscribe to this podcast directly in your iTunes, click here. http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/08/19/marriage-podcast-how-we-share-part-1/ In this podcast, Dr. Scoresby covers many topics related to marriage such as commitment, covenants, sharing, love, attention, conflict, etc. Click the play button to listen to this episode: To subscribe to this podcast directly in your iTunes, click here. http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/08/12/marriage-podcast-covenant-part-2/ In this podcast, Dr. Scoresby covers many topics related to marriage such as commitment, covenants, sharing, love, attention, conflict, etc. Click the play button to listen to this episode: To subscribe to this podcast directly in your iTunes, click here. http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/08/12/marriage-podcast-covenant-part-1/ In this podcast, Dr. Scoresby covers many topics related to marriage such as commitment, covenants, sharing, love, attention, conflict, etc. Click the play button to listen to this episode: To subscribe to this podcast directly in your iTunes, click here. http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/08/12/marriage-podcast-commitment-part-2/ In this podcast, Dr. Scoresby covers many topics related to marriage such as commitment, covenants, sharing, love, attention, conflict, etc. Click the play button to listen to this episode: To subscribe to this podcast directly in your iTunes, click here. http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/08/06/marriage-commitment-part-1/ The Pew Research Institute recently reported a national survey where they compared views held by different age groups. They discovered a fairly wide gap between younger and older people in regard to lifestyle, relationships, moral behavior, and religion. The difference, or gap, is as wide as it was ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/06/29/a-generation-gap-and-what-it-means/ Dorothy (my wife) and I had to organize ourselves during summers because we had eight children and they were all home from school and needed something other than the freedom to lay around and do nothing. We decided that we could find some work for them to do, practice ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/06/03/summertime-and-the-kids-are-home/ We have learned to think about time in more than one way. For instance, when it comes to marriage we often hear or read about the importance of spending time with each other, or taking time to nurture this important relationship. Then we learn it is a ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/05/01/timing-and-happy-marriages/ Somewhere and somehow current generation parents have learned that asking young children to make choices is a good way to limit their frustration and increase their compliance. So, when children are asked to "come and eat," or told," it is time to go to bed," they will be given ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/04/18/teach-children-to-be-good-decision-makers/ A few years there were seasons of the year for given sports and sometimes during the year where I lived there were no sports teams in operation where youth were concerned. This is not the case now because basketball, for instance, and ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/04/04/using-sports-to-motivate-and-teach-character/ I remember riding along with my father one day talking about anything that came to mind. He asked a question wanting to know something I had thought about and I gave an answer that wasn't anything special. But, ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/03/25/small-experiences-and-big-lessons/ The hearings before the Supreme Court of California, regarding the now famous Proposition 8, have been on TV for anyone to review. Attorneys from both sides of the argument have presented their cases. One side has argued that it should not legal ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/03/07/the-proposition/ Many people do not know that family history, obtaining information about your ancestors, is more popular than any hobby except gardening. It is amazing to me that so many people have a strong desire to learn about generations of grandparents and spend a great deal ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/02/19/your-family-history/ In the past few years we have seen very good scientific evidence that during prenatal development several factors work in concert to shape female and male brains differently. Some of this research began with the work of John Money at Johns Hopkins University three decades ago. It is an area ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/02/11/little-girls-and-little-boys/ Moral situations, where someone could be helped or harmed, exist when there is no neutral ground. That is, when faced with a decision or dilemma between two or more alternatives doing nothing has an impact as powerful as making the wrong or right decision. It is interesting that ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/01/31/marriage-bad-things-happen-because-good-things-dont/ Eric Fromm once wrote a book with this same title. It is about the age old conflict people have with working to have things or expending effort to be a certain type of person. I have thought recently about how closely his ideas still apply to us in ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/01/28/to-have-or-to-be/ The national congress will, this year, consider a bill designed to continue funding abstinence sex education. Conservatives fought hard to get the law in the first place because they want support for their valued objectives. The purpose of the bill originally was to fund efforts by schools to teach ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/01/23/the-big-abstinence-fight/ So many people suffer from some type of addiction that psychologists have decided there is an "addictive personality," that makes a child or an adult especially vulnerable to addictive behavior. They are thinking that some people inherit emotional or mental qualities that make them susceptible while others do ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2009/01/13/addictions-and-your-children/ Many parents are frustrated with their schools believing that more could and should be done to improve achievement. School teachers and administrators are often frustrated with parents whom they think are not preparing their children as well as they could and should and the schools are therefore left to ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/12/18/school-and-home-partnership-how-to-improve-achievement/ You probably can understand why people experience more difficult emotions when they feel higher stress about the economy or any other pressing problem. Living in an uncertain, possibly hostile, world creates a lot of anxiety. You might be surprised to learn that some children and adults are more vulnerable ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/12/12/our-emotional-economy-during-the-holidays/ We are beginning to see results of research who study the impact of technology on the human brain. Recently a book was published, authored by Gary Small M.D. titled iBrain. It is a review of studies which show the impact of cell phones, iPods, text messaging, TV, computers, ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/11/13/surfing-the-internet-and-motivation-to-learn/ Some of us think that achievement motivation is inherited. That is, some kids have it and some kids do not, or have less of it. It often seems like that because some children do inherit the mental properties that appear to help them be more organized and effective. ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/10/29/motivating-kids-to-achieve/ There is more than one type of depression but none of the diagnoses suggest that marriage may be a cause. I do not believe that all marriages create depression, but I believe one form of marital communication is closely connected to depression and may cause it. I will explain. In ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/10/24/can-your-marriage-cause-depression/ What makes a useful and productive parent-teacher conference? Most schools offer two or more conferences each year where parents and teachers meet to discuss the progress, or lack of progress, students are making. It has gone on for so long it has become a tradition for many parents ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/10/11/parent-and-teacher-conferences/ I have been working in the Legacy Foundation for over ten years and during that time we have had the remarkable opportunity to test a variety of educational programs designed to develop character and improve student achievement. We have worked with some progressive school principals and wonderful, committed ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/10/04/parental-involvement-and-student-achievement/ The idea of children being emotionally attached to parents and the connections between this and children's social success has received more attention by researchers than any other aspect of the parent-child attachment issue. But, there is a very interesting line of research which has little recognition that most of ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/09/24/parents-stress-and-childrens-health/ The American philosopher, Rollo May, wrote several years ago that today we live in the new puritanism. The old puritanism was no sex and a lot of passion and today we live in a time where there is a lot of sex and no passion. I have had reason ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/09/18/love-and-your-childrens-future/ In cognitive psychology there is a very interesting area of research and theory which suggests that we inherit different types of mental characteristics. One of these is the tendency to look within ourselves for solutions to problems and another is the tendency to look to others or the environment ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/09/10/open-and-closed-minds/ I recently saw an advertisement from an internet provider suggesting that they always make fast faster. It reminded me of the Gillette company whose business strategy has been to come up with a better, faster, neater way to shave and of course we should throw away the last best way ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/09/01/make-and-keep-some-things-slow/ The words "get yourself together" often are used when a person is frayed at the emotional edges and should calm down. They are also used to suggest someone needs a life plan and be less distracted or impulsive. But, I want to add the word "ourselves" and address ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/08/21/getting-ourselves-together/ I once played basketball with a group of friends early Saturday mornings. Because we were all younger then they were pretty competitive and spirited. After our children grew older we agreed some of our sons could come a play with us if they didn't ruin our high quality ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/08/13/boys-and-emotions-ii/ Of all the misconceptions floating around there is one that I believe may cause the most harm. It is the idea that to rear a successful boy it is necessary to prevent him from being emotional so he is not afraid or effeminate. Some fathers I know ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/08/11/boys-and-emotions/ I received a telephone call from a mother who was moving with her family to a new town. She wanted some advice about how to help her children make the transition. I explained the idea of "anticipatory anxiety" to her and suggested that if it were possible she ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/07/31/getting-kids-ready-for-school/ I am pretty sick and tired of the crimes against girls and women. These crimes are of the legal and the moral kind. The violence involved from the abuse and assaults and the heart break of the betrayals and mistreatment seems to be increasing. Over the years ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/07/16/more-respect-for-our-daughters-and-self-restraint-for-our-sons/ One of my sons decided to try a parenting approach we developed at the Legacy Foundation to help promote achievement in school. This approach is based on the idea that family leadership should include providing a structure for children and the way to do that is for parents ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/06/30/what-about-family-meetings/ I recently met with parents of a teen age boy who was not doing what they hoped he would do in school, with friends, and engaged in several experimental and high risk possibilities. They expressed concerned but said they felt powerless because they knew that at his age everything ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/06/24/give-your-children-the-real-freedom-to-choose/ Having had the privilege to speak to several groups of people I have found that one of the topics they find most interesting, but controversiall is the subject of morality. This subject is much like any concept or idea which is a bit ambiguous but laden with intense emotions. ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/06/12/dont-be-afraid-of-morality-learn-about-it-and-do-a-good-job-of-teaching-it/ I like the idea of change as long as it results in progress. I like a lot of the new things I see going on around me and there are some I do not like very much. I am watching young people's dating practices and there are changes ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/06/10/teach-your-children-the-traditional-forms-of-respect/ In our area most of the school children are out of school for the summer. A minority are in year-round schools and at most they are home for three weeks at a time. This presents both a challenge and an opportunity for parents. The challenge of course ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/06/07/structure-your-family-for-summer-time-andor-when-children-are-out-of-school/ The other day I read a newspaper account of young teen agers sending explicit sexual messages via text messaging. The article also suggested that kids have used their cell phones to photograph tests in school and share them with friends and even text message during the test either asking ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/05/29/family-leadership-parenting-and-technology/ Attention deficit disorders are well known to nearly everyone. But, as in many other similar cases the name of something often does not suggest the real problem or what the solution is. Some of us think that if we see unusual or difficult behavior giving it a name ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/05/23/what-to-do-about-a-childs-attentional-disorder/ Several years ago I read Steven Hawkings book titled "A brief history of time." He was a renowned physicist, as most know, and the book was about science and how it relates to our understanding of time. I found the whole idea interesting because I could see some connections ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/05/16/space-time-and-relationships/ There are few family events more sobering that someone passing away. Even when the possibility is known in advance someone dying causes us to reflect and remind ourselves about things very important to us. I am old enough to have had both parents die, my in laws, a ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/04/22/when-there-is-a-death-in-the-family/ When words are repeated they often catch our attention and when they are repeated in similar situations they seem more significant and may create more than casual interest. For me, this is the case when married people talk about mistakes they have made and wish to excuse the mistake ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/04/17/little-mistakes-convey-big-marriage-messages/ Most believe that good work habits are an essential part of anyone's success. And, most parents believe that good work habits are first learned at home. Therefore, work at home, in most families, is divided up among parents and children. From this point part of parents' ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/04/11/motivating-kids-to-do-their-chores/ In any academic discipline there are interesting, even eye popping, discoveries that professionals know but seldom communicate with other people. These bits of information often have long term and very powerful impacts. Because of this it is surprising that the discovery is not immediately jumped on and ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/04/09/comfort-your-child/ It has been a privilege for me to know many people who have worked very hard to make their marriages successful. I have watched them tackle problems ranging from a small communicational difference to betrayal and years of conflict and indifference. As a group, and in most cases, ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/04/04/how-to-make-certain-your-marriage-succeeds/ In the late 90's I participated in creating a program to help school teachers teach character development. This program called, "Character and Competence," was successfully introduced into more than 150 schools. At the same time I worked on a parenting program that was designed to help parents strengthen ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/04/02/close-the-distance-at-home-and-at-school/ Family life is often so hectic and busy that after all the meals, chores, traveling, conversations, and everything else, we feel lucky if we survive the day. Hopefully some of those times are fun and enjoyable laced with teaching moments that make us, as parents, feel like we are ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/03/28/teach-about-and-hold-children-accountable/ For the last few years more and more people have voiced concern about the impact of pornography and its addictive power. We have been told to make certain computers are in public areas and to put filters on every computer children use. We have also been plagued with ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/03/26/what-pornography-does-to-marriages-and-families/ We all start out in life thinking we are the center of the universe and other people are planets that revolve around us. It is a natural thing for children to concentrate on themselves and think that everyone thinks or should think the same way they do. This ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/03/21/egocentric-husbands-and-wives-that-withhold/ In our day, because of the challenges many children encounter, it seems very important for parents to know how to help their children develop a strong and positive sense of conscience. While it is connected to ideas of what is right and what is wrong, conscience also serves ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/03/17/give-your-kids-a-conscience/ Children do not inherit confidence. Some might be more adventurous than others, or be willing to take more risks, but confidence is usually a result of a child doing something to earn and learn it. Confidence should not be confused with self esteem. Although there has been much ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/03/13/creating-confident-children/ The idea of punishment for misbehavior has a long standing tradition. Punishment is designed to deter some actions and make certain the child avoids repeating what is undesirable. It is an idea deeply embedded in our parental thoughts. We just accept that punishment is a reality. ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/03/10/the-best-kind-of-punishments/ Many people think that providing added sensory stimulus to infants will help them be more intelligent. Infant stimulation means to provide extra visual opportunities, unusual and interesting sounds, more tactile (touch) experiences, increased varieties of smells and tastes. This, it is believed, stimulates the senses and creates more ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/03/07/does-infant-stimulation-create-smarter-kids/ Marriage is the one relationship where the idea of intimacy suggests both a condition of the relationship and a pleasurable reward for doing something right. We become intimate by virtue of the things we share and for many the experience of being intimate is one of most sought after ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/03/05/calming-an-intimate-enemy/ As more and more people decide to home school their children we have had the opportunity of comparing home schooled students with those taught in our public schools. Where many thought home schooled students would do less well on national college admissions tests the results so far are just ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/02/29/positive-relationships-help-kids-learn-better/ Not all teenagers are angry of course but if your child is, you will wonder if he/she is the only one. For many parents angry teenagers are hard to understand and even harder to help. Let's examine some of the reasons why teens get angry and then review ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/02/27/why-teenagers-are-angry-and-what-to-do/ Healthy infants come into the world with many different abilities. Two of these are called "synchrony" and "cadence." These are labels for something every parent has observed. Children react and respond to what other humans do. They do this is a rhythm or pattern. ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/02/22/stop-nagging-and-get-kids-to-cooperate/ We have settled an old debate about children. Because we didn't know any better many thought children were like blank slates filled with possibilities but with very few mental or emotional abilities of their own. We now have learned that at birth they are highly developed and bring ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/02/20/the-validation-experience/ I once read an account of a creative therapist who was asked to treat a child who displayed explosive anger. The child appeared to have little self-control when there was even a little frustration. The explosiveness included yelling, throwing things, breaking things, the use of violent words, swearing, ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/02/15/the-child-with-explosive-anger/ Some people like to be cared for because they feel a sense of security and a modest amount of pleasure. Most of us like to be passive about some things or express our anxiety in some situations in the form of passivity. But, a person with a ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/02/13/what-to-do-about-a-passive-husband/ University faculty members divide the department curriculum among themselves. Usually people are hired with specialties so that collectively the faculty provide the knowledge base for a broad and deep enough education for students who major in that discipline. Occasionally, however, some rapid developing area will emerge that doesn't fit ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/02/07/the-first-emotions/ I consult and train a group of university softball players as a sports psychologist. I frankly am amazed at their athletic abilities and have been happily surprised at how talented they are. The pitchers have several different pitches and can throw at sixty-five to seventy miles an hour. ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/02/06/improve-your-performance/ It is pretty well known that men and women differ in the types of mutual activities they enjoy and prefer to do. To achieve a sense of companionship or mutuality, for example, women, according this notion, prefer conversations and men prefer some type of physical activity such as playing ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/02/01/men-and-womens-strategies-for-intimacy-and-attachment/ I have had the opportunity to spend time helping married couples who have felt a lot of unhappiness. I have listened to many who felt just in their descriptions of how they had been mistreated, ignored, criticized, and/or condemned. Their problems were quite real and often very ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/01/30/moving-toward-a-better-kind-of-love/ There has been much written and said about stress, or more accurately duress. From many writers we have learned about causes and cures and many will work well, at least temporarily. From this body of literature we have also learned that people inherit a level of brain reactivity. ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/01/25/permanent-stress-management-for-parents/ For over twenty five years I have taught about how children develop, grow, and mature. It has been one of the best experiences of my life. The college students were smart, interested, and fun to teach. The knowledge base of developmental psychology is extraordinarily interesting. It also ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/01/23/excellent-family-leadership/ I was listening to a couple of parents tell how they motivated their children to perform their chores. They asked their children to compete to see who could finish first. They had found out that if they said, "let's see who gets his/her work done first," their ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/01/18/ending-childrens-arguing/ As the years of my professional life have passed along I believe I have noticed more anxious children and children whose anxieties are more elaborate. I have wondered, as a result, what is causing all this. But, I have learned that finding the cause for more anxious children ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/01/16/help-an-anxious-child/ Setting and maintaining limits for children is very difficult for most parents. For one thing parents must say no to something. Then they will need to define the boundaries for what a child could and should do and what they don't want the child to do. After ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/01/11/love-enough-to-set-limits/ There has been and probably always will be an ongoing debate about the success or effectiveness of any child management method. For instance, spanking has its proponents and there are many who disagree with it. Recently another discipline strategy has been found to be much less successful than many ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/01/09/love-more-than-you-isolate/ As a student of family psychology I was surprised when I read that criticism by parents in American families occurred ten times more often than praise. Later I discovered some of the reasons for this. Parents usually have more than one child and try to regulate the older ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/01/05/encourage-more-than-you-criticize/ When it comes to educating our children we are in a new and potentially pioneering era. Many of the old problems still exist as do many of the successes and benefits, but we are realizing at least one new way we can advance our children's learning. New brain research along ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/01/04/how-boys-and-girls-learn-differently/ Just a quick note that all of the math activities are posted on the site and ready to view right here! Thanks for being so patient! http://leadingfamilies.com/2008/01/03/math-activities-are-up-and-live/ I believe where political correctness is concerned we will soon see the true folly of the idea as measured by two things. The idea of being considerate with others who are different than we are is a great idea gone wrong. The reason I believe this is that ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/12/24/political-correctness-is-not-the-answer/ Eric Fromm wrote in his book, "To Have Or To Be," that an age old controversy had existed between two lifestyles. One is to do things so you can have things and the other is to be something so you can become better. Humans appear to be motivated ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/12/19/to-do-and-have-or-to-be-and-become/ I worked as a consultant for a local school district a few years ago helping them implement a federally funded reading achievement program. I sat in on meetings where the high school principals selected the participating students. Most of the principals were home grown, so to speak, and ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/12/17/getting-your-kids-to-learn-faster-and-better/ Behavioral scientists have made great strides in their ability to research and uncover interesting, but hidden knowledge. Like any branch of science, however, there is a lag between new findings and what people generally know. For instance, over the years psychologists have created tests and conducted research ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/12/15/a-reality-married-people-should-know-about/ Most of the time when parents discuss their ideas of child management the conversation ends up being about how to control children, when to control them, and what methods of control work the best. This is because anyone who is an experienced parent knows that choosing a type of control ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/12/12/communicate-more-than-you-control/ I grew up in a generation where sex was not openly talked about by adults to children. So that is my point of reference when I say that we are much more open than we used to be. I want to point out that openness about it has ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/12/07/an-ethic-for-sexual-passion/ Several years ago I taught a graduate course on systems theory as applied to families. I organized individual students into "families" in which every student was required to study, help each other review for tests, and assume responsibility for each other's success. On one graded project the "family" received ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/12/05/teaching-children-to-do-what-is-right-regardless-of-what/ One of the most interesting educational and child development discoveries in the last ten years is related to brain growth. This discovery identified "windows," which are times or periods in a child's life where rapid brain growth makes the brain more vulnerable to influence. The ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/12/03/rapid-brain-growth-and-windows-of-learning-for-language-numbers-and-emotions/ You might be surprised and saddened to learn how many kids (boys) drop out of school when they are bright enough to do well and succeed. You might also be surprised to learn about the number of boys who suddenly seem unwilling, unable, or unmotivated to do anything else ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/11/30/motivating-unmotivated-boys-in-school/ The National Institute of Mental Health recently reported the results of research about the number of people who experience depression. Having worked with depressed patients I have great compassion for anyone in that situation. So I read this study with interest. I noticed that in their ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/11/29/why-so-much-depression-and-how-to-resolve-it/ Currently there is an increasing number of people who are single and never married. This number, when combined with people who are divorced, constitutes a very fast growing portion of our population. It is not as large as the age wave of baby boomers but it is much ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/11/28/kids-scared-to-marry-harms-our-society/ Growing children make mistakes, disobey, and in other ways display their immaturity. For many years people have debated what to do in these cases and the debate has taken more than one form. Some favor spanking, others disagree. Many parents think that permissively letting children have a ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/11/23/prepare-more-than-you-punish/ A recent newspaper article reported that three nineyear-old boys assaulted an eleven year-old girl and one boy raped her. Several years ago that story would have been unbelievable but today it seems entirely plausible. This is because we have many of our children in sexually oriented experiences which include ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/11/21/we-are-sexualizing-our-children-and-they-are-hurting-themselves-and-others/ The boy sat in my professional office telling of how he started using marijuana which was the beginning of a much more complex drug related problem. As I listened, I thought I should involve his family. Therefore I asked to see both parents and other family ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/11/19/too-many-people-are-taking-too-many-prescribed-drugs/ Anxiety is inherited. It has the role of warning us and providing the instinct for survival and self protection. Some people inherit more than others and, because of negative experiences and hurt, some people learn more of it. Regardless of the reason why we are anxious, when too ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/11/16/fear-or-confidence-what-we-pay-attention-to/ A common marital problem could be solved if more of us understood a different way of thinking about ourselves and our partner. For instance, most people think of others in terms of their personality traits such as ambitious, kind, and etc. We also often think of personality traits as fairly ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/11/14/criticism-defensiveness-and-marital-problems/ I have spent time with large numbers of kids and adults of various ages who thought and felt like they were dumb. They sat in their chairs like they either had something to hide or had failed at something. School success seemed beyond them and as they talked about themselves ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/11/13/what-helps-children-learn-to-read-faster-and-better/ Unwed births and the resulting social and financial consequences cost American tax payers 20 billion dollars annually. Because of that and because of the emotional and religious implications, researchers and educational experts have for years tried to reduce the incidents of premarital sex and lower the age when children first ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/11/09/what-about-abstinence-only-sex-education/ Where marriage and divorce are concerned the years of published research have produced some compelling, even surprising, results. One segment of this research has been described by Barbara Whitehead in the March 1993 Atlantic Monthly magazine. In her article she describes three longitudinal national studies about the effects of divorce ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/11/07/you-dont-have-to-get-a-divorce/ Schools have reported an increase in conduct problems such as bullying, cheating, class room disruption, youth gangs, and violence. One researcher points out that an increasing number of children are being sent out of the class room to remedial help for conduct problems rather than for the purpose of solving ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/11/05/where-childrens-character-comes-from/ I have spent the better part of forty years teaching about children, conducting research about families and children, writing about marriages, families, and how children thrive. I have also spent time helping people find greater happiness in their marriages and families. I have been privileged to travel ... http://leadingfamilies.com/2007/11/02/children-adults-and-school-vouchers/