Small Experiences and Big Lessons

I remember riding along with my father one day talking about anything that came to mind. He asked a question wanting to know something I had thought about and I gave an answer that wasn’t anything special. But, I could tell that he was a bit impressed with what I had said. My dad wasn’t one who gave a lot of verbal praise or compliments even though he was a pleasant and genial person. So, when I noticed that he liked what I had said a feeling of pleasure went though me that I have not forgotten. I can’t even remember what I said, I only remember that he liked it and the feelings I felt because of it.

As the routine of our lives goes by it is sometimes hard to remember that to our children we are important for many reasons and one of the greatest reasons is our ability to give approval and recognition of them. They are never free to not need that from us. I have noticed that if we do not recognize that then it is often the same thing as if we have forgotten that we hold a huge asset which we can use to influence them.

When this ability to approve is coupled with clear expectations which we communicate to our children, the amount of influence doubles. It is one of the most powerful forms of influence if it is sincere, not to frequent, and is in response to something real. Although we need to give our children clear feedback about their successes and their failures, it is nearly always a good thing for us to have high expectations (still achievable) and then give them a positive response when they make progress or accomplish good things. Quite often these moments are very small, like the conversation with my father, and perhaps we don’t attach much importance to them, but our children do.

Part of the memories I have of dad include the times when he said something about me and it helped me feel like he liked me. As a result of this I tried to learn how to work hard like he did, be honest like he was, and care about others like he did. He died many years ago but he is still influencing me. I often wonder at the power of his influence. I loved him, and because I believed he loved me, what he said lasted longer than if he had used a pattern of criticism and confrontation. It was a small experience, but a very big lesson.

For some reason