More Respect for our Daughters and Self Restraint For Our Sons

I am pretty sick and tired of the crimes against girls and women. These crimes are of the legal and the moral kind. The violence involved from the abuse and assaults and the heart break of the betrayals and mistreatment seems to be increasing. Over the years I have listened to literally hundreds of women tell their stories and I know that in many cases they are not completely innocent. Sometimes they incite, betray, mistreat, hit, and harm. But, I believe that in most cases whatever women do seldom justifies the harshness of the treatment they receive. But, that is not the purpose of this article.

I would like to suggest a solution. Instead of girls thinking they will be perceived as weak or some other negative quality, I think it would be a good thing if we reestablished the idea that girls and women were deserving of many displays of respect. These include standing when a woman enters the room, providing a seat for her, holding a chair for her while she sits, and not sitting until she does. It can also include dating behavior where boys actually come to the door for the girl instead of honking the horn in the car to get her attention. It will certain;y include eliminating harsh, critical, and condemning language which seldom if ever should be directed at a women. In short there are many forms of respect we could teach.

I do not believe this weakens girls nor does it do anything negative to men. Instead, I believe these and other rituals of respect ennoble people who participate in them. These gestures make it possible for us to show our deepest positive feelings and, taught when boys and girls are young, they often carry over into adulthood and make it easier for men to restrain themselves where girls and women are concerned.

The other day some guy was describing his stress and said how this led to pornography. In his mind it was a logical progression to molesting his daughter while she slept. As I listened I wondered why there was no barrier in his mind which stopped him and why he thought any forced activity like that would be fulfilling in any way. His explanation was likely the truth as he knew it but it did not include years of showing regard and respect and tenderness for his daughter. Nor did it include ample emphasis on self restraint as a very good way to be a mature man. She was molested and must suffer that but he is also damaged by what he did and will suffer a long time because he did not regulate his impulses.

Is it so hard to teach that we can’t get our boys to regulate themselves? Is this impossible to learn? We only need to talk about it, ask them to delay gratification as part of their growing up. And, we can teach them to feel and show many different forms of respect for their mothers and sisters. If we want to we can even show them how to cleverly and diplomatically ask girls out on dates and successfully communicate with them. In all of this every boy ought to have in his mind the necessity of restraining his urges and impulses if they will harm the girl. I believe it is well past the time for this and I wish we would all come together and establish this as part of our parenting approach.