Help An Anxious Child

As the years of my professional life have passed along I believe I have noticed more anxious children and children whose anxieties are more elaborate. I have wondered, as a result, what is causing all this. But, I have learned that finding the cause for more anxious children is not the same thing as solving the problem. I believe it to be most important for us to educate parents and teachers about children’s anxieties and what to do to help them. This is because anxiety shows up in many different forms and it is often mistaken. Then the wrong strategy is selected and when used often causes more difficulty for the child. Instead of helping an anxious child we add to his problems because we do not understand well enough.

Anxiety is an inherited emotion that can either be minimized or enhanced by experience. All children have some anxieties but some inherit more than their share. When this happens it is quite possible that anxiety impairs children’s lives in a major way. Charles Schaefer and Howard Millman described anxious children in the following way. Anxious children are scared easily and look for additional things to be afraid of. Everyday situations can overwhelm them. Highly anxious children are less popular, less creative, and less flexible than others. They are more suggestible, more indecisive, more cautious, and rigid. Their self-concept is relatively poor, and they often feel more dependent on adults. Anxious children often do poorly in school. It is likely that their anxiety interferes with their ability to learn efficiently.

Why are children overly anxious? Here are some of the most common reasons:

• They inherit their anxieties
• They face inconsistencies from adults
• They learn an inappropriate perfectionism
• They are reared with permissiveness and neglect
• They receive a lot of criticism
• One or more adults may inappropriately tell of adult problems
• They may feel guilt about something they may or may not have done
• Parents may model anxiety which the children immitate

Here are a few of the best ways to help children:

• Recognize the anxiety as the root of other problems such as social avoidance, bullying, being dominated, or avoiding performance tasks
• Avoid criticizing them for these anxiety driven forms of behavior or expressing disappointment in them
• Begin a campaign to reassure your child he can do well and he is cared for by you, always
• Teach your child to relax by giving her mental images of safe and calm places and experiences
• Help them to use this procedure just before they enter an anxiety producing situation
• Promote confidence building experiences that you share with him, such as going to new places, meeting new people, and trying out new experiences
• Help her focus on the feelings of calm, peace, and confidence. Ask what these feelings feel like
• Turn anxiety into being busy and involved with some activity
• Show him when you are calm and confident
• Teach the child to focus on the positive and interrupt and distract when the child complains, says negative things, or belittles himself or others
• You may need to consider professional help. Choose someone who has a strong background dealing with children and with anxious children

Anxiety is a worrisome emotion. It feeds on itself which means that when a person is anxious the thoughts, feelings, and actions which accompany that feeling often lead to more anxiety. As a result anxieties can move from one to many situations, from one trigger to many. It is therefore, best to resolve it as quickly as it can be recognized and effectively dealt with.