We are sexualizing our children and they are hurting themselves and others

A recent newspaper article reported that three nineyear-old boys assaulted an eleven year-old girl and one boy raped her. Several years ago that story would have been unbelievable but today it seems entirely plausible. This is because we have many of our children in sexually oriented experiences which include dressing in a provocative manner, using sexually explicit language, and portraying social popularity as caused by adventure and license.

This is not about sex education where children learn healthy and positive ideas about themselves and others. This is exposing children to sex, sex acts, and sexual information which makes it seem like many parts of one’s life is related to sex and great emphasis on sex is a very natural part of life. When sexual information is made widely available, with repeated previews, children often come to believe that it is a social script which everyone is participating in. When a youth thinks everyone else is doing something this belief is often accompanied by the bandwagon notion that they too must do it. Many experiment for social reasons when they do not understand the personal consequences for themselves.

We have also learned that the first exposure of many children to pornography is at the ninth or tenth year of their lives. Typically children that age are not cognitively nor emotionally mature enough to understand much about it except basics and raw feelings. When sexual images, conversations about sex, and other sexual ideas are repeated in magazines, TV, movies, and computers the collective impact can indeed be very influential to a developing children. Sex and sexual activity can occupy a position of prominence that is harmful because the focus on it becomes part of personality development, occupying too much of one’s life experience, and precluding experience with other things in childhood.

It does not matter if TV is following society or if society follows TV or whether movies reflect social change or lead it. It does not matter if the whole idea of sex, sexuality, and sexual behavior is modern and people believe it should be understood more widely and earlier. No argument in favor of sexualizing our children provides a positive condition which has been found to make people happier and more successful. If as some suppose, it is useful for kids to become acquainted with this much sexual content at an earlier age, then we should see more happier children, better sexual relationships in marriage, more respect for others, and less sexually transmitted disease. None of these is true.

Instead sex becomes linked to a variety of social and emotional conditions through the process of association. When these emotions are felt then sexual motivations follow. When this happens experimentation shows up and is first thought about, then talked about, then acted out. The evidence for this can be found in the research showing that when children have a friend who is sexually experienced and talks about it, that child is more likely to experiment. Further, we only need to look at text messages sent from one twelve year-old to another. With this technology comes freedom to communicate without adult guidance and a large proportion of these messages are laden with explicit sexual content. When this happens between boys and girls, both often become more aggressive in experimenting upon the words.

Can sex be harmful if it takes place when children are not mature enough to understand the experience? Can it lead to behavior that is beyond one’s ability to manage? In other words, can it addict? Can it lead to other sexual problems? Of course. This does not mean that children who have early sex will become more violent or anti social. It does mean that for many who repeat the experience other problems may arise. We can tell this is the case by the rise in the number of sexually addicted people in treatment groups for that purpose and by the increase in sexually oriented problems. But, the most compelling evidence is less obvious. It is found in the despair felt by youth who do too much and feel exploited by it. The foot print of this experience can last too long.

Let’s instead educate our children to believe that sex is positive, that understanding it is useful, that talking about it with parents is a wise thing, and that participating in it can be a form of love and tenderness. Then let’s help them live a happy childhood where sex is a part but not the star of life.